विलुप्त पहचान

A Poem Long Forgotten!

Title: "इतिहास" or History
Date Finished: 05 March 1999
Place: Shivaji Nagar, Bhopal
Plot: Conversation between history teacher and students on first day of school.
...................................................

इतिहास, यह विषय है खास
जिसके नाम से ही होता है टेन्शन का आभास
शिक्षक कहे:
जो ले जये तुम्हे 'भूत के पास
उसे पढने मैं तुम्हे क्या है लौस
हमने कहा:
लाभ ही क्या है पढने से इतिहास
जो ऊखाडे गले मुर्दे और सुखी घांस
लाभ ही क्या है जाने से ऐसे इतिहास के पास
जिसमें है बेमतलब के महापुरुषों और 'सनों का वास
हम तो वह विषय पढना चाहेंगे जिसमें हो कुछ खास
और जिसमें हम हो जायें जल्दी से पास
शिक्षक कहे:
हमें नहीं पता था तुम करोगे इतनी बकवास
तुम्हारे साथ रहने से अच्छा है निकल जाये मेरी सांस
तुम्हे क्या पता क्या है इतिहास
आज के विकास का गवाह है इतिहास
और इस विकास के लिये सन्सार द्वारा झेली गयी..
उन दर्दनाक हादसों की किताब है इतिहास
आज तक का जानकार है इतिहास
और आज को समेटने की शक्ति भी है इसके पास
हमें भी एक दिन बनना होगा इसी इतिहास का एक भाग
चाह यह है कि स्वर्णीम अक्षरों से लिख हो इस इतिहास...
मे हमारा नाम, और तब सभी ऊस वर्तमान मे हमारे होने का करें आभास
ऐसी है मेरी आंस, सम्बन्धीत है मनुष्य और इतिहास!

भूत' = भूतकाल (past)
'सनों = वर्ष (year)

I visited my parents place in June. They still live in the eighties in a house that is unimaginably hot in Summer, freezing cold in winter and leaking from all sides during monsoon. I was disgusted with the layer of dust in the shelves, which by the way are grazing grounds for termites, and decided to clean one when my father wasn't around. I started putting everything in a "bora" and threw it all out. My mother was objecting on throwing every little peace of termite-eaten-garbage because it could be useful for someone! To my surprise, I found my own diary from 1999 that had compilation of poetry in Hindi, English and Marathi. I was already a lyricist and a composer at that time. I tore the pages and brought them back to the Netherlands. Going back: I had even created my first album of hindi remix songs that had only one full remix song "Ye Dil Deewana" from Pardes!

My knowledge of English then was limited to 10 sentences on Cow, sick leave application to the class teacher, and essays on "Wonders of Science" and "Mahatma Gandhi" those would always appear optional in all exams. I had just started learning English; I had written and composed my first song "Earth Song", probably motivated by Micheal Jackson. Although, the lyrics are hilarious considering my small vocab and little knowledge of grammar, I will sing it and upload the audio file sometime. I won't comment on the Marathi poetry, because I couldn't even finish one (Unlike hindi to english dictionary, I didn't have hindi to marathi dictionary).

Anyways, I don't exactly remember how many peaces of poetry I had written but this " इतिहास" is the last surviving peace of hindi poetry I have got now, along with "The Earth Song", "The definition of future", "Nature is god", "Through the mind" and "मला लाग्ली भू (भूख)" those are half written or finished. Based on my diary, there were two albums I was writing for and composing for, namely "Nature" that had 5-6 songs and "Don't think, just laugh" that had 17 songs.


Only two questions I had in mind after looking at my dairy were...
"Who the hell is this guy?" and "Who d hell am I?
We have different lives. We don't even speak the same language.

Life is a Journey and I realize it every time I go back to India, to my home town Bhopal or to iitb campus in Mumbai. Life goes so fast and I always try to slow it down. My life has changed so much, I would barely recognize myself if I go back in time to IIT or to Bhopal. Of course, the only resemblance I have with my past is my motivation to walk and to hike. As a kid, I used to walk for no reason to my Kaka's place. With the two rupee that I would proudly save on Bus, I would eat lotsa 25/50 Paise Bananas on the way. I do the same now by walking from Delft to Scheveningen beach (15 Kms in 3 hours) eating Donar Kebab on my way. Also, I went for hikes in the forests around Bhopal with YHAI (youth hostel association of India, Bhopal unit) and now I travel internationally in every possible direction. I also loved hitchhiking (and I still do), very much like Vashu Kaka, who by the way still hitchhikes in Bhopal at the age of 75+.

The title "विलुप्त पहचान", or "The lost identity", is often a question for expats like me who are coping up with cultural differences and "the future shock". But looking at my dairy, I realized who I really was and who I really am, still the same... Samanomad!